I need a watch. No, I take that back. I don’t need a watch, there’s a clock on my smartphone. I want a watch. The watch must be attractive, stylish without being faddish, functional, and it has to fit my embarrassingly small wrist. A really big face on a watch, or a really fat strap only makes my wrist look more pathetic.
There are entirely too many styles, too many bells and whistles, to choose a watch quickly. I mean, the first thing I go for is a watch that looks cool. Dive watches look really cool, but I don’t dive and when I try them on, they look like a bedside alarm clock on my skinny arm.
So, if you don’t mind, I’m going to think out loud for a bit. Talk amongst yourselves or read on if you, too, are looking into buying a watch. We can do this together. God knows I have the time. Wait, what time is it? Anyway, these are the conditions that I’ve set forth on which I will base my purchase.
Condition No. 1: The strap has to fit, which is a really tall order on this wrist. Whenever I try on a watch with the links – stainless steel, gold or titanium – it is always at least two sizes too big. I don’t even know if I could take out enough links to make it snug and I don’t like the way the links pinch. My arms may be skinny but they’re not hairless and those confounding links always pull my arm hair. So I prefer leather. I have trouble getting them to fit, too, but it’s usually nothing an ice pick can’t fix. Yes, I add a hole. Don’t judge. You can easily add one yourself following these various methods or if you are lazy, just bring them to the nearest watch store.
Condition No. 2: Texture and color are big considerations for me. I don’t want to wear a faux animal skin on my arm. It would be too obvious that my arm did not kill the animal on safari. I prefer simple, usually brown, leather. Don’t give me rubber (the pinching again) or silicone (really?) or canvas. Those don’t hold up.
Condition No. 3: Style is important, but I am not one to jump on the fad wagon. So I don’t go for anything that will go out of style before the watch strikes midnight. Dive watches fall under this rule. I just like the way they look. Oh, and color is very important. You buy a lime green watch and I guarantee you’ll be sick of it in two months’ time.
Condition No. 4: Will I have to wind this watch or replace the battery every year? Too much work.
Condition No. 5: This is important. If you haven’t shopped for one lately, brace yourself. They are not cheap. Make sure you stick to your budget. I don’t like labels or wearing someone’s name on my person. So I stay away from branding and it will save me a lot of money.
So I guess what I’m looking for is a brown leather strap, a small face with a neutral color and a good price. But, wow, those dive watches look so cool!